ya kno wut ive learned bout life so far?....fuk it!

2005-09-29T23:00:00.000-07:00

just when i decided not to believe in it any more it stops by to say hi again.

i think i might love her........

2005-07-21T22:27:00.000-07:00

this computer really es me off!!! god damnit! i dont even know wut the fuk to say im not just ed at it but other things too. and missing her dont help to much school is not this monday but the next and not to menchion the fact that its is gonna suck sooo bad seeing her knowing that she is over me. when i still feel the same for her. but wutever. its just gonna be wierd. i still miss her but l8ly it seems that she is WAY to good for me now. and i guess i should feel bad for ever wasting a moment of her time by saying hi or something along those lines. but i dont so it. why the fuk does life have to be so damn hard?!?! and wut the hell is up with every one thinking im a hick??? do i wear cowboy boots no! do i like the damn rodieo? no! do horses smell like to me? yes! do i fuk any one in my own line? no! there for byt definition i am not a fukin hick!! and yes i riped it off a movie but i dont fukin care cuz it holds true!!! so fuk it!!!!!

a convo

2005-07-18T00:31:00.000-07:00

thecommonloser: OK IM BACK
thecommonloser: HET TRAVIS
hiub713: SWEET
thecommonloser: **HEY
hiub713: hello..
thecommonloser: wuts up
hiub713: nothing really
hiub713: im really tired
hiub713: i want my pain killers but i cant find them
thecommonloser: why
hiub713: idk
thecommonloser: oh ok then
hiub713: i sorta feel like taking some so that they make me sick or really tired so that i fall asleep
thecommonloser: oh i see sometimes i feel the need to sit in jello
hiub713: yes
thecommonloser: but thats just me
hiub713: jello is sweet
hiub713: if i could sit in a vat of jello i would
thecommonloser: i sat in a tub
thecommonloser: there is a pic of it on myspace
thecommonloser: before the sitting took place
hiub713: ah
hiub713: i saw that
hiub713: grape jello
thecommonloser: heck yes its the best kind
hiub713: i bet
hiub713: accually im more of a cherry person
thecommonloser: have you no taste buds?!?!
thecommonloser: jk
thecommonloser: cherry is good too
hiub713: yea i remember 5th grade, i was the only one who liked cherry ummmm what are those things.......oh jolly ranchers
hiub713: i have a small memory
thecommonloser: its ok i still have my tonsile so i kno how it is
hiub713: i probably wont remember waht i said to u tomarrow
hiub713: what does tonsils have to do with anything
thecommonloser: YOUR NOT THE BOSS OF ME!!!!
hiub713: ?
thecommonloser: no i just wanted to see if that yould catch your eye or not
hiub713: whats an eye?
hiub713: oh these things
hiub713: ok
hiub713: i feel weird
hiub713: *sigh* shit
thecommonloser: ok?
hiub713: not really
hiub713: wow
hiub713: if i wernt tired id probably be freakin out right now
hiub713: yay for freakin out
thecommonloser: yay!!!
thecommonloser: but why
thecommonloser: did u get it
thecommonloser: srry wrong im
thecommonloser: so........how bout this weather
hiub713: its hott
hiub713: and windy
thecommonloser: ummm......i think sometimes that one day chickens well have an uprising and an equal rights movement
thecommonloser: it concerns me deeply
hiub713: eh ill be dead by then so what ev
hiub713: but yes, chickens need rights too
hiub713: even tho i eat them
thecommonloser: i think the man will set his foot down and smoosh them before it finishes first then and only then i will be petrafied by chickens and all other farm animals
hiub713: ok, thats kinda cool. my mom wants to live on a farm
hiub713: grow her own stuff
hiub713: be all, earthly
thecommonloser: watch out for goats they atract farmers on a subconcious level

2005-07-17T01:50:00.000-07:00

hey i havent been here in a little while. my dad is gone as u prolly kno from my myspace. umm at the moment that stupid thing is being jewish cuz i can only go to like 3 profiles or so im not sure exactly how many but its 4 or under so yeah im guessing 3. ummmm as most of u kno well i think u kno but im not sure weather or not u have picked up on it or not but neways for some time i have been depressed but not so much nemore. yeah i still miss her and have all the same feelings for her but recently i have just felt like, well that guy from office space ya kno very passive of everything it feels great. i still get angry at things and stuff like that but i dunno. cant say i dont like this feeling cuz it compleatly covers up the feeling of lonlyness that i have. damn i really spelled that wrong. picture this, at sometime every one tries to hide a feeling from someone. now true i do it with all of them all of the time but imagin if you could not just hide them from others but also yourself. dont get this confused with being numb ive been that one hell of alot its not the same. you igknolage your feelings but you just dont take them into concideration. its great at least for now but who cares about time in advance

2005-07-01T14:17:00.000-07:00

my dad is comming today! i cant wait

god damnit

2005-06-26T21:20:00.000-07:00

i did something i shouldnt have i dont want to say im not proud of it because i dont want to hurt ne feelings but.......well i wouldnt have done it if i wasnt under the influence lets just leave it at that. im gonna have to tell her and i dont wanna also im gonna have to talk about it with someone[a sertin person]..............this is gonna cause sooo much friggin drama i can already tell. and we were so close and doing welljust the other day......

......god damnit

2005-06-24T15:27:00.000-07:00

i think she is seriously ed at me. and last night when i was trying to sleep i realized something all these guys im getting ed at for trying to go out with her now that she is single...im no better then ne of them cuz really im doing the same trying to go out with her. so......i guess that makes me a hipocrit but still i gotta say FUK THEM!

2005-06-22T01:17:00.000-07:00

dog i cant stop thinking about her!!!

2005-06-21T01:42:00.000-07:00

hey so as u who read this kno i got dumped and i really dont kno wut to do i mean.......she was my whole world and then one day......she was jst not here ne more. we went on break for the second timeand i let her kno that i was afraid to have hope i kno that sounds pathetic but its true i was so scared to have it and to not have it cuz if i didnt , then everyday of the break would suck more then the last but if i had it then it would build up and bring me so high up off the ground and i would feel good but i kno and knew my luck and when we didnt get back together i just would have a longer fall before i hit rock bottom ya kno? i didnt want to build up momentum[spelling]and i told her that i mostlikely wasnt going to have the hope witch bit me in the ass 2 ways. one it made it seem like i didnt want to get her back and thats part of the reason she dumped me and two in all actuallity i ended up having more hope then i thought was possable and had one hell of a fall. i dont know about nething nemore everything feels like . i want to cry nonstop but i cant i couldnt even if i tried. this pain is just to real. i mean i tried and am still tring to tell myself that she is gone and that im over her but i am not britney so i just cant make myself believe my own lies. its me so much inside and out. and then othertimes like the other day it didnt seem like we had ever even gone on break cuz she kept kissing me at first it hurt so bad that i gave her things back so she would leave me alone and the only reason i wanted that is cuz i thought for sure i was gonna break down and cry my fukin eyes out. but when she walked over to britney i was somehow able to drain my welled up eyes on my shirt before a tear could break free and run for it. but then after the 3rd on it stoped hurting cuz like i said it no longer seemed we were apart. and then i kissed her a few times to. so dont think im tring to pass blame cuz its my fault that i feel like this.and she brought me into the bedroom to tell me something i thought and hoped it was gonna be that she missed me or wanted me back but once again hope busted my balls she wanted to tell me that she kissed some guy named zack. i pinky promised i wouldnt be mad at her and im not i wouldnt have been neway but as for zack well he better hope i never fukin see him again or rob will end up having to bring me assloads of candy canes. then later on she told me that she missed me and wanted to kno if there was ne chance of us getting back together and now i dont date people more then once cuz if it didnt work the first time then there is nothing telling me that it will work the second but with her........with her even if i spent the rest of my life with her untill the day i died it wouldnt be long enough...
i cant help but feel an urge to keep asking her out cuz i told her i would love to get back with her but she said not yet cuz she needs time to herself. and i have never been more confused as of wut to do cuz the reason i feel i should keep asking her out is cuz like i said before i kno my luck and while she is having her time to her self i just kno she is gonna get over me. and if i dont ask her she might star to think im not intrested nemore and go out with someone else thinking i dont care nemore. i dont think ive been this far down into the surrounding black abyse that is depression. but i have learned that hope is not my friend that it is only here to mess with my head but i cant stop being a push over for it i just..........
.....................i just dont kno wut do do now that she is gone....i never thought that being away from her would hurt this bad. and she asked me to tell her why i got so mad the first time she messed with me online and i want to tell her sooooo bad but i kno that it will come across as me trying to guilt trip her onto going out with me and i dont want to do that besides that would be the same as her going out with me out of pitty and pitty is the only thing i can think of that i as much as my self other then the way i feel right now.......i want to cut so bad but i just cant seem to get these hands off my wrists......

2005-06-21T01:28:00.000-07:00

im so tired of being here
supressed by all my childish fears
and if i have to leave
i wish that u would just leave
cuz your presence still s here
and it wont leave me alone

these wounds wond seem heal
this pain is just to real
theres just to much that time cannot erase

when u cried i'd whipeaway all of your tears
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating mind
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

ive tried so hard to tell myself that your gone
but though your still with me
ive been alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

i have had this song stuck in my head for i dont kno how long now so i figured this would help get it out.

ummm ill work on the rest of this later

2005-06-20T02:54:00.000-07:00

a grogy hand past the screaming alarm clock
grab the sleeping switchblade turn off the safty lock
press the piercing blade agenst this tormented wrist
and slide the silver serpent back to give the day a twist
but there is not yet a sroty to be told
as skin will fold, around the blade
escape from reality is once again delayed

i kno its not much yet but its all i can remember right now cuz i made it up a day or 2 ago when i was kickin it on the roof

2005-06-17T23:32:00.000-07:00

just here to say...........................blarb

mad world

2005-06-16T21:19:00.000-07:00

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world ... world
Enlarging your world
Mad world

with this knife

2005-06-16T20:30:00.000-07:00

i let myself fall into a lie
i let my walls come down
i let myself smile and feel alive
i let my walls come down
no matter how i try i dont kno why
you push so far away
you wraped your hand tight around my heart
and squeezed it full of pain

with this knife ill cut out the part of me
the part that cares for you
with this knife ill cut out the heart of me
the heart that cares for you

i cant believe the way you took me down
i never saw the pain
comming in a million broken miles
like poison for my vains

with this knife ill cut out the part of me
the part that cares for you
with this knife ill cut out the heart of me
the heart that cares for you

WITH THIS KNIFE ILL CUT OUT THE PART OF ME!
THE PART THAT CARES FOR YOU!
WITH THIS KNIFE ILL CUT OUT THE HEART OF ME!
THE HEART THAT CARES FOR YOU!!

the and the fear
the nightmares that wake, me up
in tears
the nightmares and the

and the fear
the nightmares that wake, me up
in tears
THE NIGHTMARES AND THE !

AND THE FEAR!
THE NIGHTMARES THAT WAKE! ME UP
IN TEARS!
the nightmares and the ........

2005-06-13T22:59:00.000-07:00

hey i got dumped yesterday.

i dont know wut else to say.........i got dumped yesterday..........................

................i ready to go home ne time now......

havent been here in a while

2005-06-08T20:06:00.000-07:00

hey i feel........ yeah i kno suprising huh? ummmmm........im on break with chelsea as of yesterday because i guess i add to much stress to her life and she wants to see if life is any better and easier with out me [thats a yes]maybe im looking at this break the wrong way or maybe it just hasnt sunk in yet but i personally see it as ironic and funny a little bit. because break is like breaking up minuse a prefix and a 2 letter word so basically she broke up with me to see is she wants to dump me. i dunno u prolly aint laughing are ya? well i always did have a worped sense of humer so....... i must say she had perfict timing with the whole break thing cuz the past 3 days or so i have been super depressed and being the 3rd day of that i was contenplating cutting but decided that my friends in cowtown wouldnt approve of it so i was just pretending that i was [witch didnt help at all]so then all of a sudden i hear those damn 4 words that never turn out good "we need to talk" so that was great made my night i guess you could say. and i found out something today basically the people i hang out with are frank and brittany they were a cuple rob and michelle they were a cuple and chelsea we were a cuple and frank and brittany broke up with frank and then convinced michelle to break up with rob because she wasnt happy and she still isnt happy so now she is trying to convince chelsea to dump me and so far it is working it only took one day for her to get chelsea to wank a break and im willing to bet that the fact that brittany is spending the night at chelsea's house isnt gonna help me in the least so i figure that i have a week tops before the break up is final....yeah oh well i guess that there really isnt nething that i can do about it also i think that im gonna need a ride out there cuz my mom isnt really in favor of me going home but she said that she will think about it well im gonna go l8er i guess...

aparently im a lier?.....

2005-05-15T20:35:00.000-07:00

hey its ben a while sense i have been on this thing. myspace wont let me into my own account so i cant go on that. oh well it wasnt letting me go to most of the profiles on my friends list neways. well i guess i should fill those pf you who still read this on on wut is new with me. im still going out with chelsea. she has been getting meaner and meaner l8ly but not enought to make me dump her. she thinks that everything i have ever told her is a lie and is ed at me for that witch i think is compleat bullshi tcuz i have never once givin her a reason to belive that im a lier so really im not sure wut to do about it she said that she wants to belive me but cant bring herself to do it and its going to be a long time before she can belive me again. i bet u think this would make me mad huh? well it dont to tell the truth it just hurts is all.....
ive picked up drinking again im not proud of it or nething like that so dont get me wrong. im actually trying to stop and i have been slowing down alot. i dont kno. i just dont like this place at all. im tired of this vacation to the dessert and am ready to come home now.i really miss you guys and wish that you would call. even if its only every once in a blue moon. i really need to talk to someone although im not sure wut about i just hurt inside real bad. to tell the truth i want to cut up my wrists legs chest face nething i dont want to be on this stupid planet nemore im tired of it. fuk the world ya kno?.......i just...........well if u read this call me some one neone even if i dont kno you and u stumble across this site call i kno i left my number in at least one other post on this damn thing........bye

2005-04-28T17:32:00.000-07:00

hey i think im just gonna post on this instead of that fukin myspace thing it and certian people on it have been giving me problems sense i got my sister and josha to make me an acount. so yeah fuk myspace im still gonna use it to read your blogs and stuff but thats gonna be it right now i dont feel ecactally like living i guess you could say. all i wanna do is cry but im not gonna do it. do u guys even remember me at all or am i now just another jumble of letters forming a name on a list of people that moved to you now? im afraid of your answers to tell the truth.........i myself more now then ever before..............i wanna bleed so bad......

..........i miss you guys...............................

suspended = vaction baby!!!!!

2005-04-21T13:15:00.000-07:00

hey if u havent guessed yet i got suspended. take a wild guess as to why........times up. this kid thought it would be cool to be a majior dick to me starting the day i went to skool the first time. one, thats not cool. two, homie dont play that. [lol had to throw in some hipster language]but i wasnt about to hit him yet. next he decided its almost as cool to be a dick to all the people i hang out with here. one, thats tryin my last nerves. two, i couldnt stop talking and thinking bout how badly i wanted to kick his ass. then today i heared that for a few moths now he has been ually harrassing the chelsea that im dating and then i go inside and see him trying to do with her and her struggling to get him off of her. one, i no longer wanted to fight him. two, now all i wanted to do was beat him. and three, i lost my temper. and fast! damn near sprinting the distence to him[proxamitly 4 yards thats not far] and grabed him by the collor of his jursey and picked his ass up off of her to where he was bout an inch off the floor and lander a left hook to the temple. that knocked him from my hand he landed on one knee but bounced up quick. and tryed to talk to me about it but as u may have guessed i was in no mood for talking. so i landed about 6 more head shots and bout 4 or 5 kidney shots when he covered his face. you may have figured at this point he would want to hit me back and i wanted him to but no he turned and ran for the cafiteria door but i seem to be faster then him. i nailed him in the back of his head 3 times and shouted quit fukin running and turn to face me or you will get it worseso he started to turn and a left hook cought him in the face when his sholder was almost paralel with my nose. thats when i literally heared and felt him nose snap under my fist. thats wut finally got him swinging but before shock had left him to where he would start throwing his blows i made sure i stopped and said "thats how we roll" then he swong as soon as as i finshed the last wordhe got me in my cheek. and then in my left side of the forehead after i got him again. and then i sliped in spilled milk and droped on my knee he sunk one to the top of my head as i stood up. but my left hand had him by the throught in a second pinning him to the wall witch is when the security was called by the lunch lady called him from across the campous. but i got in a bout 6 face shots like that and two wall shots the second one left a hole.and he dropped so i kicked him in the ribs then as he started to stand i took his feet away from under him like u do in wreslingand landed on his chest put my knees on his bicepts[lindsey u kno how that feels lol...good times...]and just beat the ever loving out of his face. then the moniter grabed me and brought me to the office and him to the nurse.and this has to have been the shortest day of the entire skool year for me i was there a total of 15 minutes. cuz all this happoned in the morning. now im at home and bored out of my mind.

2005-04-09T15:24:00.000-07:00

hey i know you all have a myspace now but i dont know how to do nething on those so im gonna keep posting on this. i went to a consert a few days ago slipknot lam of god and shadows fall were playing it was so friggin awsome! literrly the whole bottom floor was nothing but a huge pit when lam of god came on! it was the and then when slipknot played it got even better!! when they played pulse of the maggots people in the seats rushed for the floor and there was only 5 security gards on that side and a fence versus anout 400 people sprintingthe gaurds and the fence got aniliated tand the pit got even bigger. so that was cool. umm im still going out with chelsea but u know when your in a big relation ship how it starts off with a huge spark the that spark begins to fade and u struggle to keep it there with you still...i think we are at that point in our relationship right now. actually those are her exact words from last night. so i think im gonna get dumped soon i really dont want that to happen but i dont think i really have ne say in the matter if it does happon. if it does all i can really say i guess is that i gave it a good go i think. i really hope that that dont happon! ummm i think that is all that is new so keep callin me those of you that do and those of you that dont start callin please i miss you all bye

hey

2005-03-30T19:02:00.001-08:00

hey i havent posted in a little bit so i figgure ill do that now. lets see the subjet is me so........................well arizona is said that after the 1st 3 months it will become your favoret place in the world. im here telling you now to your face[as best as i can] that they are fukin liers!!! i dont like this place at all yeah there is 4 people here that i think are cool but they dont really have ne thing on you guys! i get faced more often here then i did there......a lot more i try for every other day but usually end up with every friday satureday and sunday. i dont smoke weed tho! not ne more yes i had it the once when i moved out here and that was the last time. i guess i have started doing wut i knew i was gonna do and was afraid of doing all along fallen into bad habbits and my reason for it..........sux some majior ass! i feel stupid saying half of it first off it helps ease the pain and the stupid half...there really is nothing else to do. also i shaved my head. it looks like but it is starting to grow back. at first i went to cut it cuz my mom made me. then they cut itand made it look like a diffrent kind of head if u kno wut i mean[u perverts lol]so when i saw it i hit the guy in the face and he punched me in the gut so i hit him about 3 more times before my mom pulled me off of him. i wanted to her off for making me cut it so i did wut she has been telling me not to do for the last 2 years shave it bald!!! and she was so flippin mad at me!!!!!!! hahaha sux for her. oh well i it tho cuz it makes me look like a NEOnazi it started to grow back tho now its a buzz cut but i still it and it still makes me look like the same thing! ummm that is about it i guess......well i love you guys but i gotta go bye

hey

2005-03-30T19:02:00.000-08:00

happy st. pattys day

2005-03-17T20:48:00.000-08:00

hey wuts up with everyone? i wish i knew really i know that it may not seem like it sense when i call people they dont answer or aint home but i still care bout u guys? even if u dont know me or dont want to talk to me it would make my day the best i have had in a while if someone..really ne one would call and say hey. even if the immeditly hang up after that i would like it very much. but not much is new with me im still going out with chelsea and hang out with the same people here and fall asleep with the phone in my hand waiting for a call from ne old friend. really every thing seems to be a huge rutien[spelling] for me every day i do the exact same thing with the exact same people and have the exact same conversations with them and eat the exact same foods on the exact same days of my exact same life. i feel like its slipping away from me and the harder i try to grasp my life to keep it in my hand the faster it seeps through my fingers. i have no controll over ne thing.i bet the few of you that read this blog wont finish this post or most of them that are longer then 5 lines huh? srry hat was a bit randome. but yeah i havent heared from my dad in just as long as you guys. i cant wait to get out of here! its so damn boring. every thing seems to move in slow motion here its like living here is a giant depressent. i fukin it! and i fukin my mom! and i fukin this house! and i fukin these rasist people here! i fukin the sand i walk in every day! i fukin the word ! ... and most of all i fukin me..............love and miss u guys forever

havent posted in forever

2005-03-12T23:44:00.000-08:00

"Crushing Me"

I'm feeling the weight of the world
And it's crushing me
I'm feeling the weight of everyday life
And it's crushing me
How much more will it take?
How much more until it breaks me?
This world...is crushing me

I'm feeling the of the world
And it's crashing me
I'm feeling the of everyday life
And it's crushing me
I swallow the , betrayal and lies
Swallow it whole and shove it deep down inside of me
I'm feeling the weight of the world and it's crushing me

How much more will it take?
How much more until it breaks me?
This world is crushing me

hold the button baby!!!!!

2005-03-03T16:30:00.000-08:00

i was playin hold the button and this is what i got for my time 00:00:43:58:12
wanna see how long you can last then go to http://www.holdthebutton.com/ and be sore to read the instructions first!!! by the way dont bother to play if your gonna cheat [but switching fingers is ok] and if you beat my time then you really are a loser with no life.............just like me :[

quiz results

2005-02-25T20:46:00.001-08:00

Your Homicidal Rampage! by crash_and_burn

Your name:

Weapon of Choice:

A can of mace

Your Favorite Target:

Your Kill Count:

720,737,716

Your Battle Cry:

"Who put the bomp in the bomp-a-bomp-a-bomp?"

Years You Spend in Jail:

How Much Money In Damages You Cause:

$107,311,764,310,065

Your Homocidal Insanity Level:: 93%

Quiz created with MemeGen!

quiz results

2005-02-25T20:46:00.000-08:00

Your Homicidal Rampage! by crash_and_burn

Your name:

Weapon of Choice:

A can of mace

Your Favorite Target:

Your Kill Count:

720,737,716

Your Battle Cry:

"Who put the bomp in the bomp-a-bomp-a-bomp?"

Years You Spend in Jail:

How Much Money In Damages You Cause:

$107,311,764,310,065

Your Homocidal Insanity Level:: 93%

Quiz created with MemeGen!

2005-02-25T12:05:00.000-08:00

hey i cant remember the last time i posted so i figured i would now. everyone has a myspace so i think thats why no one updates ne more. i dont think u guys even read this ne more so bye

2005-02-18T13:50:00.000-08:00

man im still grounded but today is my last day and i have nothing to do this week end so be on the look out for calls and if i some how skip over your number call me i miss you guys so friggin much. i cant wait to come home.this place is just so...........................................i dunno. well please call and write. ill talk to ya when i can but i think skool is about to let this class out pretty soon so ill post l8er bye.

2005-02-17T13:56:00.000-08:00

im scared

2005-02-13T20:48:00.001-08:00

2005-02-13T20:48:00.000-08:00

i dont kno wut i feel right now. i have a gf so i should be focousing on the good in that but i cant stop thinkin bout my day and you guys. i just feel so unmotovated. ya kno? i dont think i have ever been motovated but now-a-days i feel more blah then ever i still get happy during the day but why is it no matter where i go after i become friends with people they start cutting. are my people skills really that much for ? you would think that i would have some sense i talk to my self all the time. but really i think some times i should just plain give up. ya kno i mean i cant see the points in things ne more and the other end of my enternal convorsations are blocked and clouded they have been there from the start and could tell me how i got this was sense they are part of me but like i said they are oh so clouded and have stopped talking to me. i just wanna.......

........... it im goin to sleep

2005-02-13T18:40:00.000-08:00

happy valintines day every one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-02-02T11:42:00.000-08:00

hey i took a test and here are the results:

Vodka

?? Which Alcoholic Drink Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

2005-01-31T13:50:00.000-08:00

omfg!!!! im so pissed i have been working on this report for class for the past hour and i just finished it was flippin 6 pages long and wut do i do but drop the mouse off the desk and when it hit the flore it clicked no for due want to save that sux so flippin bad!!!!!!!!! oh man im not doing it again screw that. ok well i g2g so bye ill post more l8er k? please call me

just for you

2005-01-30T19:10:00.000-08:00

jeena loves matyas[maaa-chaaa-sus] head

even better then a hobo on

2005-01-30T13:14:00.000-08:00

hey today i went to this bg ol building to apply for a job if i had gottin it i would have worked in a cubical so needless to say i saw it nessary to get all dressed up even better then a hobo on ! but when i got there for the interview i could tell by the way he looked at me he wasnt gonna waste time talking to me cuz of how young i look. so right when i sat down he didnt bother looking at the resomay or asking questions he just said "there are no positions avalible" so i did wut ne one would do i stood up and said"this can only mean one thing............some one must die!" then i turn ed to leave and he said"please leave"before i could walk out so as a provoked indavidual i blurted out rashly "i'm leaving already!!!jeesus god!" and im pretty sur his people wont call my people. witch is fine by me because i still need to get some people.

i think i will go in tomarrow and ask for the job again..........or just apply at cold stone.

2005-01-29T21:16:00.000-08:00

hey i woke up in the bathtub this morning. i dont kno why tho. but oh well im bored off my head. and a little depressed and wut not. i cant really remember that much bout yesterday it went by slow so i cant talk to much bout that other then the fact i got a switchblade. its cool. i really like it.umm today i didnt do ne thing eather but sleep.sooooo....................im gonna go to happy tree friends.com and then go watch a movie bye!

2005-01-27T11:24:00.000-08:00

hey its my birthday today but no one here knows so shhhh! dont tell. they all think that it is some time in the distant futcher of this year[obviously] umm it has been an ok day i finaly got wut i want....in a way one thing that i want is for people to act like my birthday is just another day cuz i mean im not gonna be ne diffrent so like im not gonna be a foot taller act diffrent be ne less hyper or talk people into doing things with me ne less so if im not acting diffrent why should they? oh well i wrote a few letters today cuz i got bored. so yeah im gonna write a few more but i gotta go for now so bye love ya l8er masterbater

2005-01-23T22:14:00.000-08:00

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

Humans think they are smarter than dolphins because we build cars and buildings and start wars etc...and all that dolphins do is swim in the water, eat fish and play around. Dolphins believe that they are smarter for exactly the same reasons

2005-01-21T13:42:00.000-08:00

im not sick ne more. i added up all the milagrams in all the diffrent pills i took yesterday i wont say the number but i wouldnt recomend doing it. ill give u the list of wut i took:
2 of the 600mlg tynole pills
6 of the 20mlg ben-a-drill pills
2 of the 30mlg allergy pills
and one dose of coff syerup[dont kno how much is in that]

this doesnt include the my meds [shrink recomended stuff]. i kno wut your thinking i tryed to kill my self right? i mean that is wut u were thinking isnt it? well just to put your minds at ease i'll let you in on a little secret...u ready? here it goes...i wasnt trying that all! i didnt thake these back to back. most of them were spaced out maybe not as spacey as they should have been but still spaced out. they made me pass out. i thought i could take that....rrrrrrrrrrnnnnttttt[buzzer noise] wrong-o i woke up in a cold sweat this after noon with one of the worst migrains i have ever had. my mom got some gin and dosed me a little here and there to ease the growing pain. now it a little less then a splitting head ake.i only puked once today that was bout a minute after i woke up. but other then my head i feel fine. my stomach hurts too buts thats to be expected. have u ever noticed every time u start to feel lonly its as tho u have compleatly forgotten how it felt the last time? like everytime hurts as much as the first? i realized that today. i dont think i have ever taken the time to notice it befor....maybe i have but just forgot about it like i frgot bout how it feels to be lonly...i guess everything is possable. .........................................i stared motionless. before the mirror. as always, i stayed untill im convenced that there is no glass, nothing, seporating me form the room i see on the other side....................... i imaginthat everything is diffresnt over there.better.there would only be people in that world that i would like......................................... but, like always, my hand hits the glass. ........................i kno that if i had only waited, just one more second............ ...........
im gonna go sorry this post is so long.

2005-01-20T13:54:00.000-08:00

jey man that last post was pong huh? srry bout that guess i just needed to ventalate. im ok now nored and still have the flu but ok.i think that no matter who u are as soon as u read this sentence u should stop wut your doing and go update then come back and read this post if u want. i saw king aurther the other day it was cool!!! this guy had a studded jacket tho it made me laugh cuz i guess the costume guy couldnt remember wut the olden day studd type things looked like[armor] so they went to hot topic or something and pulled a bunch of studds off a belt or something.hahaha maybe im to picky cuz i always seem to notice the weirdist things. haha ummm oh my freakin god!!!i just noticed that everyone online thats on my buddy list is on witheir phone. you kids with your cell phones ::squints eyes and shakes fist:: ummm not much to say so i think im gonna go blow my nose and lie down call me later k? ok ta ta.

2005-01-18T20:33:00.000-08:00

hey today sucked the big one. the whole day! i feel kinda bad for lieing tho i told jeena its ok cuz my day was the best day ever so it ddnt matter enuff for her to feel bad when she was dumping me. but today i really cant think of a single good thing that happoned all fukin day. i missed the buss by two seconds. so i walked to skool [long walk] and first period i got called a fag like every other day witch just makes me feel great!! :[ and then people decided that its ok to comment on my diffrence from them like in on display; like i am the way i am bacausei like the in sestint gwaking of strangers. the bell rang i was still tired havent slept well in 3 daysand i have the fluduring passing period some kid went out of his way to bump into me so he could call mea faggot so i shoved him into the other guy and they both fell and the campous moniter grabbed me by the arm and says this no lie:if i ever see that kind of behavior from you again ya little homo i will personally beat the livlig out of you' wtf!!!!!!!!! thats not right second perion the teacher felt it nessessary to tellme loud enuff to let the whole class stare and laugh at me that i am irregular and that i ask stupid questions because i got a little lost in the diolog of romeo and juleit. thank u mrs anderson u make me feel good! passing perion the football players suround me to mock my pants[its not good to where dickies here...ill do it every day that i can...fuk them] but i said yeah well yall play football in pants just as tight as tights and dance around when u score so basically u dance in tights infront of hundreds of people. ya kno who else does that?...male ballerinas...but the diffrence between football players and male ballerinas is that mall ballerinas dont tuch each others . they had nothing to say. so i went to class and the teacher decided that because i look funny that i cheated off someones test from last week cuz we had all the same answers even tho i have an A in that class and the guy beside me[tho cheater] has a D- but he didnt think of that so now no one in that class will go near me and i got a call home.lunch i sat alone like the past few weeks. fith period some one threw a friggin textbook at me so forgive me if i gave them a little bitch slap with the keybored i unplugged from my computer but do ya think he might have deserved it even just a little???? that made me sit in the office untill last period and i now have 8 days of sas last period we ran the mile.i come home with a headake witch that loud as hell bus didnt help and get bitched at i decided that the only reason i have been depressed is cuz in lonly but my good memorys keep me company then i get online thinking perfect chance to lose myself and get happy. lo and behold guess who got dumped today?!?! me! i dont think it would have hurt as bad if she had dumped me befor she went out with brandon but oh welli couldnt let her kno that by day was fuked cuz then she would feel worse cuz reallly dont tell cuz she dont read this ne more but......i still have all the same feelings for her :[

2005-01-18T17:24:00.000-08:00

"What JTHM Character are you?" - Results:

You're a Psycho!

What JTHM Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're a Psycho!

PERFUME IN THE NOSE

2005-01-14T11:23:00.000-08:00

perfume in the face
...stupider then mace
out it on your cloths
not in your nose!
it burns so bad
i wish i never had
put perfume in my nose
the burning grows
and i kno it shows
cuz my face and eyes are red
i was told to just smell it but instead
i got the idea in my head
to put perfume in my nose
and it just goes
to show
perfume in the nose is a really big no

if u havent figured it out today i sprayed perfume up my nose BAD IDEA!!!

2005-01-10T11:17:00.000-08:00

hey im really bored its 4th period right now i dont kno wut im souposed to be doing so here i am. i dont kno wuts wrong with me. but every one else seems to be noticing it. if your depressed but you dont have a reason to be is it still depression or does it have another name cuzz wut ever thats called it wut i have.i dont even feel comfertable pulling inside myself to hide ne more. i seem to be noticing small things that etritate me. i think that my OCD is getting worse. at lunch some one accidently spilled cream cheese on me...i almost threw up. i dont see how people eat that s*** but at the same time i envy it. it surves a purpous it doesnt have to find its self it just does its job then disapears. life should be that simple.

.......i g2g

"control"

2005-01-08T22:02:00.000-08:00

you grabed hold and u wont let go
i fu**in it it but thats somrthin u kno
quit trying to live my life for me
just back up! andlet me be!
just leave me alone!
i can handle my own!

let go!you cant control me! let go!
you cant control me!
get away from me!
contro! control! letgo!
you cant control me!

im suficating
and your debating
weather or not to, tightin up on me!
ill tell you again to, get away from me!
bitch i need my space
so just get out of my face
all we have is broken trust
when im gone youll eat my dust
losein your grip on me please
im begging down on my knees
just ** in let go!

let go!you cant control me! let go!
you cant control me!
get away from me!
contro! control! letgo!
you cant control me!

you make my own decisions
i have no say
i just wait to run away
you have a life why control mine?!
you've takin everything i had
and it makes you glad
to see me like this
you seem to be in bliss
that ok ill bring you down!
knock your ass to the ground!
if you try to controll me
your gonna fail

let go!you cant control me! let go!
you cant control me!
get away from me!
contro! control! letgo!
you cant control me!

let go!you cant control me! let go!
you cant control me!
get away from me!
contro! control! letgo!
you cant control me!

2005-01-08T21:15:00.000-08:00

hey i just got back from oceans 12 it was good but parts were confusing. umm for the first time in a while i can say that my day was really good! it wasnt very eventful tho. but i got a call from casey and mish it was so super great!!! i wasnt expecting it at all i thought it was godda be another long crappy drag-ass day but it made it good cuz i havent herd from people in a little bit. it was nice to get a call! in fact...1-623-322-5240 thats the number call me! please. wel gang, gotta jet!

2005-01-08T20:59:00.000-08:00

hey im bored right now. i just got back from oceans 12 its a good movie. umm my day was great not extreamly eventfull but it was still good it would have suked but casey and mish called out of the blue. it was great cuz for like a week i havent heared from ne one, not online not by letters, email[doesnt work ne way], or the phone. it has been making every day dragg ass! but when they called i was so flippin happy i couldnt even find ne thing to say. i wish i did tho cuz i think it might have seemed like i didnt wanna talk witch i did. so............ 1-623-322-5240 there is my number so if u read this call it even if i dont kno u and u some how stumbled across my web site call say your name and hi then hang up at the least...unless your in arizona then dont call cuz you suk!!!::mumbles damn dessert people:: i love it when u call. well i dont have a thing to say so....bye love ya

2005-01-06T06:15:00.000-08:00

hey its 7:616 my time or 6:16 your time i will have been up for ho hours in exactly 3 minutes. im realy bored!!!! i just finished listening to broken by bad religon and now borken by seether is on. man amy lee is hot. oh well yesterday when i was in keybording and found out i type bout 26 words per minute. i thought that was pretty good then i found out that every one else was in the 50's and 60's and stuff. oh well i think i type faster when i know wut to type and when i dont have to keep my hands on the key bored at all times. they drift from side to sode at times when im just typing how i feel or when im talking. so yeah see how bored i am? i mean for christ sake im talking bout wut i do in class at skool!!! ummm..........oh brian told me some thing yesterday i really liked it and i think im souposed to pass it on. so before i forget wait i think i already didbut i think it goes like this[not sure]....'act as if no one can see you, sing your life as tho no one can hear you, and live as if everyday was your last on earth.' or some thing like that then he added something to it but i dont remember wut it was. so if you want to find out if thats the real way it goes so u dont say it wrong and look like a dumb ass like i prolly do then ask brian...he knows things. oh dude! apple cinnamon nutri grain bars are really good im eating one right now. i dont think that i have ever tryed this flavor. ....oh jeena gave me this button its really funny it says 'some people are like a slinky. not really good for nething but still when u see one tumble down the stairs you cant help but smile and hope you can get them to do it again.' hahahaha ok well im gonna go now. so toodle-lue

2004-12-31T22:54:00.000-08:00

happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year happy new year

ps
umm....oh yeah happy new year

really, im just so sick of it all

2004-12-31T17:22:00.000-08:00

"Sick"

What are these feelings through me?
How'd you get inside mind
Everything that lies around me
Is a joke for me to criticizes
You've taken everything from me
Taking everything that I need
And now that everythings gone
Theres nothing left for me

Can't you see the ones in need
This isn't over
I'm sick of all this pain
So I take it all away, yeah
Alone here on this earth
Till my eyes close and die

I never thought I'd ever see
A day like this would ever come
And now we all need to stand
Stand in all as one
Take a look around you
Thanks to all you have
Cause it could all be gone
Just like that!

How could you go and
just go and take someones life from under them
And I hope you die
Hope you rot in hell
If not I'll show you pain

I'm sick of all this pain
So I take it all away, yeah
Alone here on this earth
Till my eyes close and die

Held up,
Can you just take someone's life away.
Held up,
Can you just take someone's life away.

I'm sick of all this pain
So I take it all away, yeah
Alone here on this earth
Till my eyes close and dies

2004-12-30T22:24:00.000-08:00

hey.........i.....ummm......i...............i miss you so much.i cant stand not being able to see u.

2004-12-30T18:51:00.000-08:00

Sunday, December 26, 2004
happy i posted

cried on 11:26 PM [comment]

***

2004-12-29T01:39:00.000-08:00

hey i just wanted to let yall kno that the being fat thing...was the high point after all.i have to pee really bad right now but am to lazy to get up and go wut ever do i do?? oh the humanity!!

arrrrrg!!! i be a pirate me maity!!!! ARRRRRRRRGG!!!

2004-12-28T13:47:00.000-08:00

hey i woke up about 30 minutes ago. so i dont have much to say yet. but i would be asleep if it werent for mat[yes...his name is spelled with only one "t"]my little brother. i was having a great dream and really the first in a long time i cant even remember the last time i had one. but he came in and shook me till a woke up just so he could ask if i heard him flush the toilet an hour ago. w..t..f?!?! also i have a splitting head ake i dont think today will be shaping up. but we'll see. ....ummm....putting all these periods is really time...........oh i started doing something a week ago. i have decided to record the high point of my day every day so that when i feel like fooling myself to think im having fun in arizona i can look back and only foucous on the good. and i figure that will help with depression. so far to day it is i stuffed 2 pillows up my shirt and about 15 marshmellows in my head and a bunch of things around the house down my pants. i looked really fat! i went out in the middle of the busy street by my house[the street is like peabody]and i shook my new belly till the light turned green then i ran to the side walk and shook it till the light changed again. i did this about 5 times or so. your prolly thinking 'danny, your hella stupid, thats not even a good high point of a day'. but for me it is! to tell the truth i have always wanted to be fat but only for one ar two days just so i could go to public places like base ball feilds on game day or the mall or time square or rallys ect ect and rip off my shirt grab my belly and shake the living hell out of it! then i would want to my skinny again. and this is the close-ist i have ever come. but as the day goes on i might have a better high point of the day. well im gonna go now so love yall. bye

2004-12-26T21:37:00.000-08:00

hey....man i hells miss you guys.............really i dont think i have ever felt this alone. not even when i was a loner. i think the worst way to miss something or some one is to sit right beside it and kno you cant have it or to have it or them taken away from you and to go back to having nothing at all. i would give every thing and ne thing just for another day even moment with you. im trying to have fun and good days i realy am but, all i feel is.....nothing and at the same time...sadness, hurt, pain, suffering, buld up of tears....no i still dont cry i just have to fight if off more often now. after every phone call, after reading every letter[witch i still only get from one person] and after every time i look at a picture. but i will never stop calling reading letters and looking at pictures because when i do those things it puts me in a state of bliss. i get so happy untill im done cuz when i do those things i close my eyes every now and again and think of memorys...............and for a second....im home. ....and happy. the only way i think i could be happier would be to really be home. but i still have to wait for that. i kno i still have a lot of long and lonely days untill i get that......i dont kno....i guess........ fuk i need some damn zoloft again or something.

i seem to remember every thing lately all these randome memorys pop in to my head.....they hurt. to know that i cant make new ones nemore. everyone keeps telling me that things arnt the same back home ne more. that scares me. cuz when i come home nothing will be how it was before. everyone will be diffrent people and might not want to be my friend ne more. and really things will just be strange. like if you were in prison for a year then got out and went home. they took a hole year of your life away from you...how do you get that back?i kno that there will always be that vibe from the year of my life that has been lost.

i think at first it will be like comming out of a comma. first there will be rejoicing[spelling] then ther will be that long time where you have to relearn everything that you lost. then reality will hit me that im living in a car witch i handled before in delaware when we lost the house. but i wonder if that counts as being homeless. if it does then nobuddy better call me that or i will beat the ever lovin out of them. i think tho the only people who would say that would be people i dont like so much that arnt really in the group and matt silvers. yeah he would say that.

i jus dunno.......i being misrable. and depreshion....well its very depressing so all of you stay the hell away from it or ill get you with a butter knife and make it look like an axe-a-dint[cant spell that word] no im jk

or am i? ::incert twilight zone music here::

2004-12-25T10:18:00.000-08:00

merry christmas!!!!!!!! hey i got a fox head today....yeah...dont ask. well christmas was...christmas. never really have liked it. so i cant say much bout it. i miss you so much more then you could ever imagen. oh i got that yellowcard cd finaly. i think tomarrow im gonna go hunting for a job of ne kind so i can start getting paid and save up. .............i think im gonna go call all the numbers that i have and tell every one merry christmas. love ya. bye. ya kno i think i like writting in bold pnint.

2004-12-22T13:15:00.000-08:00

hey...im a little depressed right nowwell actually alot but when aint i now a days? oh well my heart hurts now more then it has in a while because of something that none of you will understand...well except for 2 people...lindsey and jeena. well no buddy even reads this ne more so i guess here it goes. i just rented napolian dynomite from block buster and watched it. before that it was my favoret movie because of how i remembered it. it was so funny and fun and perfect in theators. it couldnt have gotten better nomatter wut you did to it you could have put carmen electra in it and it still wouldnt be better then the first time i was it! i loved that movie so much. i never understood why most people didnt like it or understand it....untill today. i watched it. and it sucked. big time! i dint laugh once or even a smile. i found out that it wasnt the movie i was obsessed with.really i was just having a good time at the movies. and no not because of the flicking that just hurt. but because of who i was with. and how much of a good time we had. really if you two wanna keep liking the movie and thinking it was great dont watch it again. its no good with out you guys there to talk to and watch bits and peices of it with. i that movie now. but i still love it then! god this town is filled with dumb reminders! now a days having a good time gets me down. well im gonna go. bye. i love you!

2004-12-21T18:41:00.000-08:00

hey im still grounded...and bored out of my mind dont really think ne one reads this ne more but i still read all of the blogs! so every one should keep posting!! well i love you all sooooo much i gotta go ill post in a few minutes bye!

2004-12-15T21:52:00.000-08:00

hey jeena im writting this one especially to you cuz you told me not to about 15 seconds ago.to day suked big time this town sux worse and im bored as all hell :] that face i just made he is a good friend of mine i think im gonna start putting him on all of my posts. i like to call him rodger. ok well im bored bye love ya

2004-12-13T13:20:00.000-08:00

hey today sux. my mom decided that because nobuddy would be home to take me to skool that it would be funny to set the time on my alarm to the time the buss comes. so needless to say i missed the buss and had to ride my bike to skool. the distence from my house to skool would be like walking from vanden to target. i hated that ride so bad i almost got hit by 3 cars and my damn tire poped so now i cant take the bus home cuz of my stupid bike and i have to walk it home or knowing me ill try to ride it home....yeah thats wut ill do. i went to the mall yesterday to gochristmas shoping and got almost all of it done, but i didnt buy a damn thing.....but hey its the thought that counts right?some of you i had no idea wut to get so i just lifted a bunch of little things that i thought were cool or funny.so if you get that kind of stuff srry but i didnt kno wut to get you. ill just say this somebuddy is getting something from the sperm bank lol naw jk that would be nasty. im hella bored!!!i started reading this book not as crazy as i seem last period its a good book! the kid in there reminds me a lot of myself except his disorded[OCD] is way worse then mine.my dance suked but oh well i knew that it would. it just wasnt the same.well im bored out of my mind so i think im gonna go fuk around on the web. l8er

2004-12-08T13:35:00.000-08:00

hey im here in my last class of the day im bored as hell!!! today i didnt do much but before class started i got on my hands and knees and got behind some one and waited for vince to push them but he didnt kno wut to do.....aparently they dont do those things here cuz ha asked wut i was doing and the kid turned around and looked confused then walked away. i told vince wut to do next time and he was like but wont that make them fall down and feel stupid? i told him that was the point so after that he started to get the hang of it.it was funny cuz the moniter was right beside me when i did it and he started cracking up. and he have me and vince high fives then we got some buddy else and he got all mad and told us to knock it off. then some one told us that was his son....oops! but that was the high point of the day so far at lunch i didnt color today i played hacky sack instead. it was fun then i got bored and started to scratch my arm cuz thats something to do....it turned red and my arm went numb after an hour or 2 and the princable told me to stop if it didnt itch cuz he asked why i was itching before and i told him because i can. i cant wait for school to let out im gonna run across campous and tackle the first person that doesnt get out of the way hella hard. i think it will be tons of fun!!! :] ummmm im cant really think of ne thing else to type but this is killing time so im not gonna go yet. lets see...........the gurl sitting next to me is looking at her nails and she has the book the shinning by stephen king out so i take it she is reading it her screen savor is cool its those 3d pipes but i was helping her set it up and now their multi colored and some of them are like a blood red marble color its cool i wish i knew how i did it but sadly i was just trying to mess up the computer but it didnt work! in third period i got bored and the guy next to me does coke [no not the soda] and he was high so i put some pixie stick sugar on the desk and he was making and taking lines he really thought the it was coke i told i put in the empty pixy stick containers so my mom wouldnt find it he was too high to notice i was laughing tho it was funny then he was like its your turn so i did a hella big line and i have been sneezing all day. also some buddy brought those little poppers that you get from the ice cream man or jeena would prolly kno them my the homecoming dance they were all down her pants....long story lol!!!! jk but ne ways they would pop one like every 5 minutes and freak out! i was like wimp and started throwing them at the golf carts when the moniters would drive by it was fun. well im gonna go bye i love you guys....that sounds gay...i ment that in a strictly non gay way....unless baca reads this lmao!!!!!!! jk l8er

holding it all inside

2004-12-03T18:09:00.000-08:00

FOR GET IT!!!JUST THROW IT ALL AWAY!! YOU DONT NEED IT NE MORE!!! HOPES...YEAH THEY ARE POINTLESS!! DREAMS.....THEY ONLY SEEM TO BE HERE TO GET SHATTERED!! SO WUT THE FUK?! WHY DO NE THING?!?! I DONT EVEN KNO NE MORE...I USED TO HAVE REASONS...I REALLY DID...BUT NOW...........NOW I JUST REALIZED THAT THE BAR THAT I HAVE BEEN HOLDING ON TO HAS BEEN GREASED ALL ALONG!!!SO ALL I CAN DO IS SLIP! AND I DID TO!!NOW ALL THATS LEFT IS THE LIMMITED TIME BEFORE I HIT GRROUND!! AND THEN WUT YOU ASK?! DO I GET UP AND CARRY ON GRAB THE BAR AGAIN?!?! FUK THAT BAR!!!! I AINT GONNA DO A MOTHER FUKIN THING!!!!!!!!! I CANT TAKE THIS!!!!!!!! for all of you that doont understand let me explain....yesterday my mom told me that i could go to the winter ball dance. she told me she would pay for everything...but in return i couldnt have ne thing for christmas. i didnt even have to think about it i was so happy that i was gonna get to go. but today i hear a few things...turns out some one was FUKIN WITH ME!!!!!! WELL FUK HER!!!!

ahh..sweet bliss at work!

2004-12-02T21:25:00.002-08:00

hey....today has been one of the best days of my life!!! i wish you guys could see me now cuz im actually smiling!!! this is the first time sense holloween...except when i talk to you guys on the phone then it makes me feel so un lonly that i cant help but smile!! :] remember the todler years where you had no worrys, no fears, no need for acceptance cuz it was practally given out to everyone that you met, and all life was was snacks,trips to the park, happy times, nap times and sweet dreams. well if you dont remember then go to the park [ruby] there is always little kids there and just sit down and watch them. the have the time of their lives every minute. we could all learn from them! :] but just watch them and then you will remember. thats how i feel right now! because the most amazing thing in the whole intire world happened today a few people kno wut im talking bout but they'll never tell! and the rest of you........well you'll get a happy suprise soon enuff! oh! and for all of those of you that had no faith im gonna rub it in your face the way a best friend would. :] man i love these little smilys ! well i gotta go bye! you guy......oh you guys!!! :]

ahh..sweet bliss at work!

2004-12-02T21:25:00.001-08:00

ahh..sweet bliss at work!

2004-12-02T21:25:00.000-08:00

2004-11-30T13:56:00.001-08:00

hey not much is going on right now in still in school witch sux i dont kno a damn thing when it comes to computers so i think im gonna fail this class and they decided to give it to me twice so i get to get 2 failing grades. that sux but i really dont care im no longer grounded so thats cool the weired thing bout this place is this morning it was 20 degrees so u think it would be cold but there is no wind here so its not man i need to get a life!!!

2004-11-30T13:56:00.000-08:00

cheeze toes or cheetos?.....u decide

2004-11-29T17:14:00.000-08:00

bet ya cant guess wut im eating.......cheetos! ne wayz on turky day eve lindsey called and my brother ended up hanging up on her and i tried to call her back at her house like a billion million times but no answer still to this day! i think she is mad at me but i hope not soooo lindsey if your mad STOP IT!!!!! ok that takes care of that im gonna go call her now. bye

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

2004-11-25T11:04:00.000-08:00

damn arizona! damnit all to hell and back again!!!!! it gave me the chicken pox!!! im so friggen tired from scratching but i cant stop!!!! im just too itchy!!!!! i even got em in places that i get dirty looks for when i scratch em!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! i got one on my nippl e!!!!

2004-11-23T13:19:00.000-08:00

hey its last period right now i am bored out of my mind and have a migrain. yeah it sux. i have had it all day long. but oh well i cant wait to get home and sleep. but thats about all thats going on ritht now so yeah call me if you can. luv ya bye!

2004-11-22T22:31:00.000-08:00

i have to say that today was probally the best day i have had sense i have been out here. i didnt do a god damn thing it the world.it rained the sky was greay. and beautiful...ahhh it was splended. and i do mean real rain. there a lot of dips in the grassed off areas so the puddles were practly lakes! so i figure sense only the people i have taught to enjoy the rain wernt striding to keep dry..aaaaaannnndd im the only person at skool that will tuch the grass i decided to stand there in the middle of this lake puddle holding my 6 pound bag of pretzills [thats the way that should be spelled]eating and kicking water at people that passed by and throwing my pretizlls at the "security gards" fukin u get a detenchion if they hear you call them campous moniters. wtf?!?! i dont kno but i skipped all my classes except one to do this. but it was great cuz only one person decided to try to kick my ass and he slipped and splashed down from one little push cuz i guess puddle grass is slriprey. and the weird thing is the moniters thats right you guys are MONITERS didnt get out of there golf carts cuz it was raining anddidnt take them into the calf deep water. they yelled but wut good does that do? basically it was a great day i got a saturday skool but the hell with it. im not gonna go. and i might just do the same tomarrow. well good night

2004-11-21T19:54:00.000-08:00

hay hay hay...smoke weed every day! jk they said that on the dave shapell show it ed me up. damnit does nobuddy ever get online nemore? tomarrow 7pm your time everyone get online ill be there!

2004-11-21T17:30:00.000-08:00

ya know something.....depression really sux. i dont think i like it much at all...nope not one little bit. it rained today.....i guess you could call it rain more like gental misting. and they call it monsune season. ha! i sat outside through it. it was not good at all. i tried to do wut lin said was good by looking up and getting pelted in the eye but the rain drops are to tiny to notice hardly. they are prolly 1/16th the sixe of a single snowflake. it rained for fove minutes before i decided to sit down in the wet rocks. i was expecting and kind of hoping it would soak through my pants like it does at home. but sometimes $hit just...doesnt happen ya kno? but neway i started licking up the red orange and brown rocks and throwing then into the pool and watching them flip around in the watter as they tried to hit bottom then a hobo to get money from a compleat stranger. i dont kno why but each rock brought up a memory funnyier or more event full then the last.i feel like i could remember every second of every day. like the feild day when jess and brian were going at and lin choked jess. i bet none of you remember that right when they started to cool down i was hugging her and brian g stopped making fun of lin and just hugged mish. there was a long awkward silence that brian broke with out skeqaking by saying "so how bout this weather huh?" it was funny at the time. or all my cannal walking buddys do you remember the super wishing cannal flower? come on its a bid dandy lion. i still wished on it every time i passed it do you? i remember the roof of foxborrow. and wresling my sister in the grass when the sprinklers were on the little kids hulted to watch me badly bruse those huge biseps. then asked if we were going out or if we were bro and sis. how badly i wanted to say both. i remember how lilys nose fit oh so perfectly in the chain of the swings at ruby park. at how she like most of the others was too afraid to stand up on the backstop. and the perfect way jess and me figured out how to hold hands it was beautiful. and how at our 8th grade jello party brian tried to take more then half of my credit for making it and bringing it but it didnt work very well only a little bit. it was halarious. we had 47 spoons and one broken one left over. i remember how jeena had to scrub the sidewalk...yes the sidewalk cuz i wrots on it in marker[she must have looked like a retard lol!]i remember holding mox so brian could drop kick him from jumping off kurts roof. i remember scaring the hell out of casey in math class so many times and making her scream just to try to cheer up mish even tho she started a conspericy agenst me to get mrs ferdowsian to never listen to me.and trying to get nia off the top of that red roof thingy at ruby park she would have came down perfectly but she moved her feet way to the side and when i told her to put them back she took that as let go and fall on your a$$ lol! oh boy and lookinf for the key of the motor derain vehicle in the dark grass with adoms friggen spotlight of a flashlight and then craching it into someones house. matt screaming damn it and making everyone leave. cakes! that was the best game! but not when i uced my shoe. and when the group took me to joes giant cheese burger for my first time how the soda machine keept getting soda on my hand. and my cup leaked it made me mad but i kept quite. and stealing that red thing that held ants curly fries that he said he would be cool with brian if he didnt eat them then brian sat down and started eating them unknowingly. i still remember the first time i realized that i was considered "part of the group" it was when amanda sat me down and said "i hear u dont want a going away party?" i nodded she said "well thats to damn bad cuz your in the group and your getting one wether u like it or not" i was soooo happy i wanter to jump up and smother her with warm affectionate huggs. i spelled that wrong.i remember the look on vickys face when i fianlly said fuk it and jumped off the roof in to the pool and missed the edge my a foot.sixth grade camp with miss jackalin jessica[that was her aminal people name but out grou was the quales. we were the worst cabon we suked at everything!lol. basiclly i remembered everything. but as each rock hit it made rings that out streched and spaced out to fadings point like my momorys being replaced. but as the rings got so big that an outstreched zack could fit through them with spacous ease i bagan to notice the bubbles that the rocks left.they always poped and left me like the last memory no matter how much i pleaded for them to stay. so im not sure if i was losing memorys or regaining old ones but i kno i didnt have enuff rocks. each one made me smile then brought me to my knees. i almost cried but restrained like always. it made me realize wut i no longer had...wut i want....wut i miss......then....wut im determined to get back. ill be home sooner or later and when im there im gonna live it up like every day is my last even tho i kno that when im there i aint never comming back to arizona...never! i love and miss all u guys...srry this was such a long post but thanx for reading it.

2004-11-21T13:40:00.000-08:00

JUST WHEN I FUKING START TO LIKE THE MOTHERFUKIN CACTIUS' HERE THEY GO AND PULL THIS CRAP!!! GET THIS, ALL WEEK EVERYONE IS TELLING ME TO MEET THEM IN FRONT OF THE THEATOR AT 6. ONW THERE IS ONLY ONE THEATOR HERE SO I KNO I WAS AT THE RIGHT ONE AND BESIDES THEY GAVE ME DIRECTIONS THAT I FOLLOWED! I GOT THERE AND SAT DOWN INFRONT IF THE THEATOR LIKE WE HAD PLANNED CUZ WE WERE ALL GONNA PICK A MOVIE TOGETHER.AND I SIT FOR MOTHERFUKIN 2 COKSUCKIN HOURS! NO BUDDY SHOWS UP!!! FUK THEM I SAYS!!! I GO INSIDE TO USE THE PHONE AND REALIZE I DONT KNOW MY NUMBER!!NOW IM EVEN MADDER!!!SO I FIGURE ILL CALL MY MOMS CELL PHONE. I CALL IT AND FIND OUT THAT SHE GOT A NUMBER CHANGE!!!!!WTF!!!I AM NOW MORE ED THEN I CAN REMEMBER BEING IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!CUZ IM STILL ED ABOUT MOVING AND EVERYTHING ELSE!!!THEN THE PAYFONE EATS MY MONEY!!!!!!THIS NIGHT KEEPS GETTING BETTER AND BETTER!!! SO I CALL JEENA GET MY NUMBER CALL IT AND GO HOME!!!BUT HERES THE CATCH NO ONE FEELS LIKE PICKIN ME UP SO I HAD TO WAIT ANOTHER HOUR TO GET PICKED UP!!! COME MONDAY SOMEBUDDY IS GONNA GET AN ASS BEATING!!!!

i ment to post last night but i clicked save as a draft.....man i feel stupid.

2004-11-20T13:37:00.000-08:00

AIM FINALLY WORKS FOR ME!!!!GET ONLINE!!!!!

2004-11-16T13:53:00.000-08:00

hey, today….i don’t know it was good I guess but slow…oh so slow. Its such a beautiful day to day and where im I? inside sitting on my aSS not doing a a goddamn thing I don’t even want to do ne thing though I just want to go out side lay down on a bench in the 80 degree sunlight that is shinning in this day of the winter and watch everyont walk bye and enjoy it as much as possable. thats wut i want other then to go home to cowtown. it was cold this morning i stupidly wore a long sleeve shirt.then the sun came out like it always does and im cooking in the heat. i guess im just not used to the dessert weather yet.wut else can i say about today.........oh yeah this morning i went to the buss stop and i was 10 minutes early but the buss was already there and everyone was on the doors had just colsed so i walked up to them to get on. the driver pointed at me through the doors and started laughing. then he left me there. as the buss was pulling away all the kids started laughing at me too their windows were down and abunch of them called me names. one threw a book and it hit me in the face. fuk him he better hope i dont find out who he is or reconize him cuz as soon as i see a$$ im kicking it! so i needed to get a ride with my brother.well ya know wut fuk this class im walking out to lay on a bench they can kiss my white butt if they have a problem with it! bye for now. oh and sorry bout that last post just ignor it. love ya

:[

2004-11-15T19:00:00.000-08:00

i this im tired of it!im tired of everything. im tired of almost everyone. i cant stand a thing ne more fuk holding back! im shaking uncontrolably. i want to stop, i cant. i want to smile...i cant. i this place. i these siblings. they make me feel like less then thinking space. they make me feel like less then nothing. i dont want this ne more im comming unglued. pulled apart by the seams. i just cant take it. i want out...fast.

2004-11-15T16:05:00.000-08:00

hey i found out the real date so yeah it isthe 11th . im calling brian right now to ask if i could stay then i need to call jessica m and lily[if she decides to pick up the phone] and a bunch of other people. he answered ill end up asking him and let you know he said yes. ill talk you guys later

2004-11-14T13:23:00.000-08:00

hey i just got the internet at home so yeah but it still wont let me get on AIM so wtf?!?![the f stands for fork]i havent really been up to much lately i might be able to come home for the winter ball dance if i can find a place to stay and push my mom to get me a ticket. so that will be cool if i can..........im hungry! brb. ok im here with a sandwitch and cool-aid[the red kind 4 those of u that intrested] jw if your chatting online with your mouth full does it count as talking with your mouth full? ne wayz about the dance i need the real date cuz i keep hearing diffrent dates like the 15th, the 11th, and the 13th i need to know the real date! so if you know it call me up! also i need to find a place to stay. mostlikley ill just ask brian. but i guess that if worse comes to worse i can fake a place to stay and just look for a ride to and from the airport.or try to get my old job back and live out of a box! yesssss that sounds like fun!!!!! :)look i made a smiley! ne wayz as most of you can prolly tell im bored off my a$$ right now! and if you cant tell well then your stupid and i you!!! jk i loves you well i dont have much of nething else to say so imm gonna go fuk around online for awhile then go for a drive in my moms car i figured how to get to target and the mall...all i gotta do is let her drive me mawh-haha!! see ya love peace and chicken grease!

blah

2004-11-12T13:52:00.000-08:00

hey guys i hate this place i did something last night that i really regret so much i dont think im gonna tell neone. im depressed. it kinda sux ya kno.....i cant even hide it that well nemore and i dont have a single soul here to talk to. even if i did i dont think i would kno wut to say to them. i dunno. i just feel so.......i dont kno...blah and alone. sum gurl asked me out today and im sorry if i hurt her feelings cuz she seems nice and all but when she asked me i was like "i dont even kno your name! do you even kno mine?!" she said no but that she really liked me and wanted to find out but i didnt give it to her i was just like why the fuk did you even ask!?!? she walked away. the bell is gonna ring so i g2g bye i love you all!

2004-11-10T11:27:00.000-08:00

hey cowtown-ies im bored as friggen heck! im in fourth period right now. this skool is so weired its like north campous. every thing in every class is doen on computers even math! it makes every thing alot easier. except for the fact that they put me in all the advanced classes...wut a bungh of retards! the people here all look at me like in a friggen delinkwent[spelled wrong] no matter wut store i go in i get followed by atleast two clerks. i hate it and they still dont catch me when i do decide to take something without the intent to return. losers!!!! im still pissed at waldo and the rest of the people that im related to. not mush happens here. i wanna go back home this vacation sux a$$ and is taking to long. i finally saw the first hot person here that was cool i guess. but i dont even like her she's just cute. god i miss the fukin hell out of you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i get out of the motel 6 today and start living in a real housethat will be better then trying to fit 5 people in a small room with a arm chare and a one person bed. and sometime today the phone gets installed with free unlimited long distence so i can call a crap load of people from now on. i hope they set up the computer too so i can install aim. well the teacher is comming so i guess i better go bye i love you all!

hey!!!

2004-11-10T09:37:00.000-08:00

hey everyone in here in arizona land of the all mighty cactius! i dont like it. damn near everyone here in a square but i met a cool group of people to hang out with that reminds me alot of my family [the group]back home.and guess wut they call themselves? the group. i still cant waite to go home when i get my car but i have some bad news about that.....in arizona its the law that when you get your drivers permit you have to wait at least 5 months before you get your licens but i gotta go bye

only 5 more days

2004-10-26T23:16:00.000-07:00

hey i dont think im gonna be able to go to skool on monday morning wich sux a$$ big time. im ing everything right now i havent slept with out OD-ing on pills sense i took down the stuff on my walls. im so tired! i hear that most of you dont wanna and arnt gonna say goodbye to me when i leave cuz i spend too much time with jeena. well if you dont wanna i guess thats your decision, its not like i can make ya right? so do wut you wanna do i dont mind besides im nothing. nothing at all[besides an ]. like i said if you dont wanna say goodbye then dont but i hope you know how bad it hurts. im sorry for everything ive ever done to neone. i dont know if you can except my apoligee or not but i mean it. well i have still yet to get addresses so tomarrow[wendsday] im gonna go after skool so if ne one wants to come with[i dont soupose you do] your welcome to come. but yeah..i think im gonna go rott now so umm bye.

2004-10-19T15:24:00.000-07:00

well yall only have 2 more weeks to have to put up with me. im depressed off my ass right nowi just wanna let it all out so badly but i cant....to tell the truth i dont think i even could if i tryed. i really need to listen to hold on right about now. but i cant find the cd. that sux. when im done with this post i have to clean my room and take everything on my walls down. i dont think im gonna be able to sleep in that room if it has bare walls. to sucked so fuking bad. i didnt sleep last night fore more then an hour. and went to the dentist and got two teeth worked on and it hurt like all they ever numb is my tung and lip. got to skool just in time to get a lexure from my boring scince teacher then i pinched my finger in the door when i got asked to close it and that ripped a bunch of skin off my knuckle witch hurt like crap. then got bitched at for bleeding on the desk so i asked for a bandade and got bitched at for complaining and i got deprived of my bandade. lunch was ok but i think i got lin mad at me.5th period i had a pop quiz failed that! so i figured 6th period will be cool but i a teacher came in and told me that mrs breemer wanted me so i gi to the office. she gave me 2 saturday skools this one and next one. so my last two weekends are booked with punishment. i dont even know wut i did wtf! i get back and find out some news from someone ask casey if you want to know wut it is. then we have to run all period and my pe teacher tells me i cant be near ne of my few friends in that class even though he dont care about everyone else in the class that hangs out with their friends. not even tha fact that it was raining made me happy but now its stopping that hella fukin sux! my computer is fukin up right now its en me off. no one seems to give a about nething nemore. and lindsey....i miss him so bad right now and your the only one that understands but you aint picking up the phone!.....................................im withering away and i cant stop............i dont even know if i want to. FUK!!!!!!!!!

2004-10-18T01:49:00.001-07:00

hey i only have two weeks left so please call me to hang out!!!!im gonna miss you all so fukin much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!well its a skool night so if your readin this get to bed or call me.......witch ever well peace outside

2004-10-18T01:49:00.000-07:00

hey i havent updated in a while so i thought ya know wut the hell. i only have 2 weeks left here then i go to the desert. i saw pics of the house that im gonna live in and its BIGmost of you are prolly thinking thats good right? well....your wrong. its too big! i mean hell the house im in right now is too big for my likings. i pointed out to my mom that the front yard consisted of cacti and sand but she told me to think of it as forgin plants and really small rocks...like a rock garden! that will be fun to fall in![scarcasim] i really aint lookin foward to this move but my science teacher is. so i guess...at least someone is happy right?....naw that bitch can burn in hell!but ne ways i cant sleep so if for ne reason neone is up at this hour of the night i must say...its a skool night get your bum in bed! and if you dont wanna then give me a call cuz im bored. well you know my number so later.

2004-10-09T01:44:00.000-07:00

there is an update for all of you about 2 days ago now me and casey.....dispersed.[split up]so yeah that sucked! i didnt think she would cry i fell so much like $hit for making her. so casey if your reading this IM SO SORRY! please be my friend. but today i had a mygrain all day and was sick. i was about 15 minuets later then everyone to get to the float[witch means i wasnt 50 fukin hours early!]and you better belive i was bitched at for that! and everyone was getting so worked up about every little detail, witch didnt help my head or nething for that matter, that i among some other people were just like screw this whole thing i aint gonna do a damn thiing ne more so everyone can go to hell. thats how stressed out everyone was. and i dont have that much time left here witch finaly hit me tonight during rehursle[spelled wrong]and i would really like my last few weeks to go nicely have something to rember ya kno.it took people about an hour and a half to relize that i was getting depressed and started asking if something was wrong.[except jeena she got it in like 15minutes]i told everybody that nothing was up but im not sure how many people belived me. everyone just kinda thought that i was stressed out over the float when really no offence or ne thing but i dont give a flying fuk about the float! i didnt even wanna be in it in the first place. but oh well it was fun for the most part.and the dance...couldnt get in insted i watched a fight,played with those poppers you get from the ice cream man, tryed to sneek in ran from cops, walked to the gas station, made out with some one i realy like and am planing to as out in like 2days, and hung out with me pals.-oh yeah! and i got jeenas pants off twice. wnd at the end of the night when everyone came out of the dance lin came out ed at me. i dont kno why but i think it has to do with becka and brian going out. cuz im always souposed to tell her when he goes out with some one. but lin im sorry if your mad at me for that i really dont care cuz i didnt find out till about 11:30 and i couldnt get in the dance so its not my fault! i dont have a ride to saturday skool so on monday im gonna go. bye

pointlessness

2004-10-09T01:23:00.000-07:00

WHY THE FUK CAN I NEVER DO NETHING RIGHT?!?!?! GOD I THIS SO MUCH! EVERY TIME I FEEL GOOD I HAVE TO HURT SOMEONE CLOSE TO ME TO GET TO THAT POINT! AND THEN I FEEL SO BAD FOR HURTING THAT PERSON THAT I DONT EVEN HAVE NE FUKIN TIME TO ENJOY THE LITTLE TIME I GET TO BE HAPPY! FUK IT! FUK IT ALL TO HELL!WUTS THE POINT OF EVEN GOING UP WHEN YOU KNOW IN A MINUTE OR TWO YOUR JUST GONNA COME CRASHING BACK DOWN HARDER THEN THE LAST TIME!?!?!? THEN STUPIDLY YOU GET BACK UP JUST TO REPEAT THE CYCLE, JUST TO KEEP IT GOING! GOD IT NEVER ENDS. IT JUST WORKS ITS WAY INSIDE SO IT CAN SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY EAT YOU FROM THE INSIDE OUT!!!WELL I SAY THE HELL WITH IT!! THIS IS WHERE I DRAW THE LINE! IM TAKING A STAND! I JUST HIT ROCK BOTTOM AND IT HURTS TOO FUKIN BAD TO GET UP THIS TIME!IT FEELS WORSE TO FEEL GOOD THEN IT DOES TO FEEL BAD SOMETIMES. AND THIS MY FRIENDS IS ONE OF THOSE TIMES!WHY DOES EVERYTHING GOOD I EVER TRY TO GRASP ALWAYS RECOIL FROM MY TUCH?!?!?!THE HARDER I TRY TO BRING SMETHING GOOD INTO MY LIFE, THE MORE IT RETREATS AND HIDES FROM ME! AM I NOT MENT TO BE HAPPY EVER?!?! AM I ALWAYS SOUPOSED TO BE SO FUKIN MISRABLE?!?!....YA WANNA KNO WUT THE WORST ABOUT IT? WELL I DONT FUKIN CARE IM TELLIN YA NEWAYZ! WHEN I HURT THE PEOPLE CLOSE TO ME I CANT EVEN SEE IT. I NEED OTHERS TO POINT IT OUT TO ME LIKE I MIGHT NEED...SAY LIN TO CALL ME UP ON THE PHONE AND TELL ME OR SOMETHING ALONG THOSE LINES. I DONT WANNA STEP ON THE PEOPLE I LOVE JUST TO REACH THE TOP CUZ WHEN I DO I RELIZE THAT I HAVENT GON NEWHERE I JUST SHOVE MY FRIENDS DOWN BELOW THE SURFACE OF THE EARTH. IM STILL AT POINT ZERO!IT HURTS!!!AND WHEN THIS PICTURE COMES TO MIND,I SINK BELOW THEM. GETTING LOWER AND LOWER AND LOWER. UNTILL THERE IS NO WHERE LEFT TO GO FOR ME AND IM TO FRIGHTENED TO POSSIBLY GO UP!WHY?! WHY CANT I JUST WITHER AWAY? I WANT NOTHING MORE THEN THAT SOMETIMES. SOMETIMES LIKE NOW..............FUK IT ITS ALLPOINTLESS!

2004-10-02T08:56:00.000-07:00

2004-09-29T20:02:00.000-07:00

hey its only a month now.....almost. god we never do seem to have enough time with the things we love do we?[the answer is no!]well i dont realy kno wut to say thinking about it gets me depressed. i wish i didnt have to go!!!!its gonna make me fukin life so much! my dad better get a job and move out here quick cuz i realy dont wanna have to go. but neways to day was great untill i went with brian to jeena's place and started to feel sick. on the bus ride home i had a thing of dental floss and a few action figures i tied the floss to one and threw it out the window. we wernt moving yet i was planning to dragg him. but he got stuck in a bush so i yanked the floss and he flew up into the air and made a loud thump soundagenst the side of the busand the floss sliped out of my hand. DAMNIT! so i got the next one tied it all up and chucked it outit landed right in front of a pig [cop] so that didnt work out so well and the bus driver saw it she told me to get off the buss and pick up wut i threw but i yelled "its ok, i got it on a string!" but she looked at me like a retard and toold me to reel it in and stop being stupid. when we got to my stop i gave the gi joe to her and she was like "oh lord why did i pick this job it was fun. well i g2g bye

2004-09-24T22:29:00.000-07:00

hey today was really fun! i got to hang out with everyone and work on the float thingy...annnnnnd not to menchion that i found out that it is for homecommin. i feel so smart! except for the fact that i dont know when it is::hangs head low::the park, joes,round table, and prizebox was real fun and at the park i climbed a tree it has been so damn long sence i have done that i got so friggen excited! and ask lily of amanda i literly climbed on everything there! and then i got my foot stuck in a tree about 10 feet above the top of the playground. i pulled it out to herd and almost fell but luckly i managed to grab a few branches:] ::few:: but then we played duck duck goose and personally i think lily won and leap frog got me fallin on my face cuz we decided to make the person getting jumped over standing straight up. i worked too then i tryed to roll up brians back[got the idea from the side flips on star wars] but i went over him and face planted it was so friggen fun! oh and i started reading war of the worlds today and couldnt put it down im damn near finished with it to. its hella good! well i g2g try despertly to put links on my blog temp thingy-mo-bober/do-hicky. so bye.

2004-09-20T22:08:00.000-07:00

hey today was pretty slow for most of the day well up untill lunch i asked out casey those of you that read this already know[that consists of like....two maby three people] and after skool i went to find the german building and i think that i did but i dont speak it so im not sure cuz i asked wear casey was and he spoke some other language it sounded german and i told him i didnt speak so he said it again..and again...and again, and again, and again. so i was like screw it nevermind when a got home i wrote a poem and then decided it was a pice of crap so i deleted it. and now im starting to like it so i wish i didnt, but oh well it doesnt really matter right? then i was hanging out at the park with vicky and went to go get casey but vicky was like walk down there alone so i did but i kept myself company with her cell phone witch i pocketed a little before hand. and basicaly the only other thing that i did was try to figure out what was wrong with jeena and i did for the most part. so yeah that was my day today. i gotta go do home work so bye.

the date

2004-09-19T23:25:00.000-07:00

NOVEMBER FIRST THATS THE DAY THAT IM LEAVING FOR ARIZONA. SO MY LAST DAY HERE IS HOLLOWEEN

2004-09-19T01:47:00.000-07:00

I can't take this I come unglued
I just need this to be alright
I can't feel this another night

I can't take this I come unglued
I might breakdown in front of you
necessary to medicate
I'm not sleeping, can't stay awake

Can't see through this
Too much pressure
Drowning in this
Too much pressure

If you need me I'll be here
Half unconscious to escape my fear

2004-09-19T01:18:00.000-07:00

Enclosed by these walls
Does any one hear my screaming calls
Or am I just imagining myself again
Every thing is fake nothings real
Don’t know of any emotion that I feel
So come on over and fuk around with me

first jello cup of the year baby!

2004-09-18T11:42:00.000-07:00

hey like the title says this is the first of the new school year. but neways my comp is beign super lame and if i could i would ground it. it wont let me do nething nemore i cant even post on a tagbored nemore. so it sux and i cant get on aim. wtf?!?!?! but oh well cant do ne thing bout it ya kno? yeaterday i took brians skatebord to jeenas house to teach her how to skate. it was the funniest thing that has happoned all year so far. yes even more funny then vickys white belt and about 3 days ago i somehow woke up undepressed and havent been sence so horray for me...right? oh well not much is going on so far jeena is kinda a fast learner cuz when i got there she sould barely stand on the bord and now she can ride a little fast and do a bonelsess so i gusee i taught her a little bit so yeah. my dad said that he is looking for a job out here so he can move into the apartments by rallys and then i can move in with him!!!!! thats good fukin news!!!!!...at least for me. nobudy thinks im gonna come back but like ive been saying i am gonna give it my all. if my dad cant come well ill have to wait till i get my license and a pice-o-crap brand name car. haha but yeah, im still gonna try. and ill also try to send everyone some desert as a suvineer so be on the look out for a lunchbag full of sand in the mail! well i g2g im gonna try to get someone to hangout with now after i finsh breakfast and brush my teeth. so bye.

2004-09-12T20:23:00.000-07:00

hey im bored off the hezzy! so if you read this call me.....please? neway i was kinda off beat all day if ya know what i mean. but i was hanging out with jeena, vicky,teena,cierra,amanda,hose-A,and stephen jeffrys. it was pretty cool and i finally landed a 180 on the skatebord and then i hit some bark and got sent flying! but no boo-boo's for me.and i got to play with a bee bee gun and it have me a feeling of power ya kno? like....it made me feel big. and to tell the truth it kinda made me wanna shoot someone like really shoot them not with a bee bee gun but an actual one.[i wish i didnt wanna do that but...]i wouldnt kill neone i just kinda wanted to take some budys knee cap out. well im prolly freakin you out so im gonna go.

2004-09-12T20:21:00.000-07:00

im infected with you...
pull the plug already...
tell me before i go...
that your infected with me.